A
story worth reading and taken as example in life.... Don’t lose the moments in
life just because of a small quarrel...
This
is long but worth reading and is a true story ... you may have received it...
but it is worth to be reminded of it again.
WHAT GRUDGES CAN DO....
This
is for all the single, married, divorced, separated, widowed individuals, who
take life for granted. Please I BEG YOU, read this story until the end, it is
such an opener. You will never know…………………….!
Just
two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to
move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's
father passed away while he was still very young.
Mother
endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him
through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal
and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is
today.
I
immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony
facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood
in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round
and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch
mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and
enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into
his pockets.
Whenever
we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin
me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became
addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother
brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.
For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could
not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend
your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I
smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also
become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled:
"Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother
stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with
flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her
head and express displeasure.
Sometimes,
when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item
how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset
about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just
don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There
begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother
hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view,
how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table,
mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm
and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot
of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I
am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of
dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few
minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.
From
time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help
created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of
plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in
our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish
washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her
feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One
day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and
"Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.
Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to
me for that entire night.
I
pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored
me.... I got mad and asked him:
"What
did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in
to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is,
right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not
speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in
the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to
who to please.
In
order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the
"all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At
the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast
and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as
a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my
own breakfast on my way to work.
That
night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it
because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to
eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as
feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD,
just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but
to return to the breakfast table.
The
next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden
churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I
tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl,
rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out.
Just
as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in
her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire
burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really
did not mean it.
We
had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up
and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the
eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return
home, not even a phone call.
I
was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up
with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the
feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all
the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.
Finally,
a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a
doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now
it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness
floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had
been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason
that day?
At
the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three
days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at
him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed
my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has
that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself
not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.
At
that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:
"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me
around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab,
my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the
test of one fight?
Back
home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his
eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the
drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears
rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence;
he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.
Maybe
he really intends to leave me for good.. What a rational man, so clear-cut in
love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming
down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and
have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a
weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now
in the hospital."
I
stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby,
mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was
expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't
control the tears in my eyes. My God, how could this happen?
Throughout
the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional
disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the
accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked
in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house
back in the countryside.
As
hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the
street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby
must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled,
if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother..
Hubby
moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell
on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly
breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our
baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have
at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.
I
had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though
none of these events happening had been my fault at all. Many days of
suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and
later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like
strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One
day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw
hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair
for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of
shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at
him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need
to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to
go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,
challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if
at the brink of death.
I
eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse
together with the baby inside me.. That night, he did not come home; he had
chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me:
Following
mother's death so did our love for each other...
He
did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from
work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take
some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain
everything to him vanished.
I
lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and
again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical
examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I
told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my
way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One
day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house
was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of
paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two
months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within
myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I
will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I
hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot
cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from
there.
After
I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled,
walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even
looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first
time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell
like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did
not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.
Hubby
slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems
so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot
remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally
thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant,
in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.
We
have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional;
for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of
reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and
could not repeated.
Other
than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my
heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me,
I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him..
From
the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from
my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks
in, I will walk out to the living room.
He
had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can
hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last
time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and
find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.
He
has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was
love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost
everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children
products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside
his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me,
but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself
in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he
is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It
was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I
screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room,
its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He
carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly
and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.
Once
we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In
my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He
held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me
to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the
delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept
smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.
Hubby
looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out
for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I
had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have
never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor
said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in
terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked
the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months
ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I
disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and
checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's
cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought
that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you
before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will
have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you
throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that
chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and
problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these
problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son,
after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you
through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother,
she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves
me most..."
From
play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in
dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby
has also written a letter for me:
"My
dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have
caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see
you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you
cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for
loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son
personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates
on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going
back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place
him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to
remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his
eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his
tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the
shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face....
A
fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is
gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the
blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy
some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly
wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became
too late.".........
This
is a true story...
LEARNING
POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am
totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each
line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating
power of grudges and anger!
Simple
humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that
story, as well as patience....
This
story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a
paradigm shift.. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that
from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People
please let’s live a life devoid of grudges.
Communication
with your loved ones is THE key.
